jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
