Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I see more hoeing in ur future
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
