real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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