Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
