If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my shit smells like andre
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
