you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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