My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
