Already got asked if we're dating
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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