we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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