mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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