I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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