just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
