Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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