He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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