it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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