don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
