dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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