I got chris browned last night
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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