I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
