I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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