Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
