haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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