i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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