The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
