that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
