Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
