Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize