Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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