come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
