Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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