I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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