you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
