It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
