He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
