Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
