You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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