whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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