Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
