I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
