I cockslap morals
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
