but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize