I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
