She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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