so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
