Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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