Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
