As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
