she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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