plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
