the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
