In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
