Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
