Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
