You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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