First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
