he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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