i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
