You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize