she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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