I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
