Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
