New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
