If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
