If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize