JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
