When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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