you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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