Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
