All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
tequila makes me forget i have legs
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
