so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
