you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
