The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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