Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize