I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
