First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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