I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
