oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
