either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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