so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
