Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
