1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
