if i can run in heels then i can drive
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
