she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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