Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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