Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
