Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
