We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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