Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
