I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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