That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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