So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
