omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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