R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
