The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
