Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
