Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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