i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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