yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
