Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
