My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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