My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
