Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I deserve this hangover.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
