I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
