wakey wakey hands off snakey
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
