Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
