Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
